Can I Yell “Fore” In A Crowded Theater?

Posted on November 20, 2011 by Charles Prokop

During today’s sermon, my pastor took a detour into a discussion of the only part of golf in which he claims expertise. He admits to excellence at yelling fore, because he’s never hit the ball where he intended. He’s also discovered that the way to tell if someone is a golfer is to yell “fore!” at a non-golfing time and place. If the person in question ducks and covers rather than looking around, they’re a golfer.

I suspect his claim of golfing incompetence is a bit of an exaggeration, because he’s a master of self-deprecating humor in the service of making a point and he’s a pretty athletic guy. But he did give me an idea for how to find fellow golfers when I need a game.

I’ve lived in 11 different cities and I’ve had to find new golf partners in each one. Sometimes it’s been easy, and at other times it’s been hard. I don’t have plans to move again, but if I do, I think I’ll just walk out into crowds and yell “fore!” I’ll either get arrested or I’ll find other golfers.

Of course, the ones I find are unlikely to want to play with me. Once I get that kink in the system worked out, I’ll be good to go.

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The Road To Utopia

Posted on November 19, 2011 by Charles Prokop

Highway 470 on the road to Utopia, Texas on a cloudy November day. You can see the guardrails on the right edge of the photo.

As promised in my last post, I headed out to Utopia for a round of golf. It’s a pleasant drive through nice scenery, and it prepares you for a relaxing day.

David L. Cook, the author of Golf’s Sacred Journey, describes the Utopia course as “a simple track for unpretentious folks” that “remind(s) us of the simple pleasures of the game.” That’s an accurate description – the course reminded me of several of the courses I played in my early days. The greens are small, but well kept. The turf has suffered with the drought, as have many courses in the area, and the design is “minimalist” (another Cook descriptor). You won’t find any deep bunkers or ponds with bulkheads and island greens here.

But the course has some things going for it that a lot of simple, minimalist courses don’t. Some thought went into the design and the course is in a naturally attractive location. It also has a very nice, new clubhouse, likely a result of the filming of the movie. They have Robert Duvall’s chair from the set in the pro shop and a big movie poster on on the back porch. I sat on the porch and ate my PB&J sandwich after my round, basking in the cool, cloudy day and watching a lone golfer make his way up the ninth fairway.

I walked the nine holes in a very light breeze with the temperature in the upper 50’s and thoroughly enjoyed myself. The course is nicely laid out, with a few holes that dogleg around an old cemetery and a group of holes (4-9) that radiate from a beautiful oak grove in the center of the property. The course is located near the Sabinal River, and the copper leaves of the cypress trees along the river mark the river’s path around the course. The shot below is of the 6th green, looking toward the cypress trees in the background.

The 6th green at Utopia.

Although the course has only 9 holes, it has a nicely thought out set of alternate tees so it can be played again without perfect duplication. One hole plays as a par 4 or 5, depending on the tees, and another can be played as a par 3 or 4.

There were only a few other players on the course, and my round was relaxed and undisturbed. The staff was also personable and easygoing, and made me feel welcome. I was able to concentrate purely on the course and my game, and would have  played another nine if my legs were all the way back into walking shape. I figure I’m about a week away from being ready for that. The guy in the pro shop offered me another 9 for free next time since I only went around once.

I’m going to take him up on that soon.

(Photos by the author.)

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Swinging Again

Posted on November 16, 2011 by Charles Prokop

A few posts ago, I promised to stay away from the course for a while and wait for my game to heal. Well, I didn’t touch a club for two whole weeks. That wouldn’t have been a long time for most of my golf career, but it’s the longest I’ve gone without playing in several years.

I woke up Monday morning itching to play, went to the course, and decided to ignore the light drizzle after a few other members of my regular Monday group showed up. The Cotton Baron was back from the high plains for one of his breaks from the colder weather. One of the cowboys was there, too, so the three of us took our place in the stableford tournament.

The break seemed to have it’s desired effect and I broke 80 for the first time since my game collapsed. But more importantly, I was hitting the ball solidly again and my swing felt like it belonged to me. I felt relaxed and into the game, not tense, frustrated, and distracted. As a side benefit I was able to welcome the Cotton Baron back by taking some of his money, so the day was an unqualified success.

I played again today, somewhat against my better judgement, and shot 86. I wasn’t into the game as much and the ball seemed to be afraid of the dark, but I was still hitting it solidly. I felt good, despite the mediocre score, and I only returned a small portion of my Monday winnings to the Baron.

These two rounds let me know what I want to do with my golf game. I really enjoyed Monday and I think I  played well because it was different. I love the group of guys I play with and I like the course we usually play, but I need a little variety. I also enjoy playing in smaller groups sometimes, and even like a round by myself every now and then. It keeps my head more in the game.

So I’m going to add some rounds at courses I haven’t played before into my golf schedule. I’ll take a few solo trips to courses within an easy drive from my home, and concentrate on the less crowded and inexpensive courses. I’ll hit the small town public courses in the area and walk rather than ride. I’ll still play with the guys once a week or so because I really enjoy our rounds together, but I’ll lead a double life.

I think the first course on my agenda will be at Utopia, the course that inspired the book Golf’s Sacred Journey and the movie Seven Days in Utopia. It’s a little 9 hole track about 45 minutes from my house, and it seems like an appropriate place to start a pilgrimage.

I’ll let everyone know how it goes.

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Out Of Bounds Or In The Trees: Take Your Pick.

Posted on November 13, 2011 by Charles Prokop

I was watching how players got into and out of trouble at the Australian Open, and began wondering what makes a good golf hole. Is it a hole where a mistake leads to certain loss of a stroke, or is it a hole where a bad shot can be counteracted by a great shot?

My home course is very penal off the tee. A bad day with the driver effectively guarantees a high score. Out of bounds is in play on every hole. Going out is more likely on some than others, but I’ve managed to hit it out at least once on every hole, including the par 3’s. Out of bounds is possible on the left and the right on 10 of the holes, and I’ve managed to go out on both sides of all 10. It’s enough of a threat to be a serious consideration even when I’m playing well on 9 of the 18 holes.

It’s not that unusual to have a round in the 70’s or low 80’s with 4 or 6 stokes being due to shots that were O.B. You don’t have to be much off line on a few holes to get O.B. Add in wind and hard ground, and out you go. There’s no way to make up those shots O.B. They’re gone.

Obviously, the answer to this problem is “hit it down the middle.” Maybe hit less than driver on those holes with the greatest risk. This isn’t a bad strategy on some holes, but it can put a lot of pressure on your long irons or hybrids on other holes. I’ve considered leaving the driver at home to see how I’d do, but I’ve never quite been able to give up the chance of hitting that long drive over the trees (and O.B.), cutting the dogleg, and ending up within a pitch shot of the green. Of course, my average is just as good when I hit a six iron in as when I hit an 80 yard pitch, but I can’t convince my inner teenager.

I play other courses where crooked drives stay in bounds more often, offering the chance for redemption. I can’t say that I score any better on those courses, but the game feels a lot different. The pressure isn’t so much on the tee shot, but it’s spread more evenly across the bag.

What about it? Do other players have a preference for either type of hole or course?

 

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How To Really Roll that Putt

Posted on November 9, 2011 by Charles Prokop

I was feeding my two primary addictions a few days ago by looking at golf books. I stumbled upon The Golf Club, a book by Jeffery B. Ellis. According to the cover notes, Ellis is a champion amateur golfer, runs a business in collectible golf clubs, and has written several other books. His book The Clubmaker’s Art was on the Golf World list of the “top ten golf books of the 20th century.”

The book is a treasure trove of golf club photos and descriptions, and it puts some of the arguments about square grooves and belly putters into perspective. Golf has a long and honored history of trying to design clubs that make the game a little easier.

I particularly like the roller putters featured in the book. In 1894 James Montgomery designed a blade putter with a roller along the bottom, eliminating the risk of the putter catching in the grass and causing a “foozle.” The head was similar to my old Calamity Jane, pictured below, with the addition of a roller along the base of the blade.

The head of my old Calamity Jane putter.

Technology marched on, as it has a tendency to do, and by 1902 Thomas Black had designed a putter with a larger wooden head and two rollers in the bottom, thus preventing “duffing.”

By the late 1920’s Henry Sutton went Black one better and designed a metal mallet head putter with three (count ’em, three!) rollers in the bottom. The rollers could be removed and replaced with a solid piece, I suppose to reduce the screams of “Cheater!” from your opponents.

When my putting is in real trouble I sometimes get out my Calamity Jane and play a few rounds with it. It’s very unforgiving, and has a tendency to twist in your hand without a perfect stroke. You can really feel when your hit is off-center. I get a lot of ridicule when I use it, but it’s nothing to what I’d get if I installed some rollers.

That might be worth a try.

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A Whiff and A Hot Dog

Posted on November 7, 2011 by Charles Prokop

The last page of the December Golf Digest is a little essay on the horrors of whiffing. I can’t say that remembering the whiffs of my life is pleasant, but the article recalled an experience from my early golfing career that is burned deep into my brain cells.

I was 14 or 15 years old, living in Houston and playing much of my golf at the Memorial Park golf course. Memorial was the first full size course I ever played, probably when I was 13 (I shot a 124 my first time), but by the time of the round I recall I was usually shooting in the low 90’s, and had managed to break 90 a few times.

Photograph of a Coney Island hot dog.

Add relish and use real, Texas chili. You're getting close. (Image via Wikipedia. Public domain.)

(Memorial Park is also the home of the hot dog that still serves as my model of excellence. On the few occasions I make hot dogs, I try to recreate the dog from the Memorial Park grill, circa mid 1960’s. Just the right amount of mustard, relish, and great chili. Heaven on a bun.)

But back to golf. I was at the height of my geeky gangliness, a little over 6 feet tall and weighing about 115 soaking wet. I could eat those hot dogs all day and not gain a pound. I always swung too hard (young male, and all that) and in order to keep my balance I’d spread my legs much wider than my shoulders and swing very flat. I used a five wood off the tee, because I couldn’t control anything longer.

Our group got on the first tee after a long wait, and there was a large crowd standing around waiting for a tee time. There was no starter or reserved tee times – you put a ball in one end of the tube and waited until yours made it down to the other end. We’d waited 45 minutes or so, as was usual at that time of year.

I took my strange stance, swung, nearly fell over, and looked down at the ball still waiting on the tee. I tried to ignore the chuckling in the crowd, and swung again. Another whiff. I started flailing on the third try, and finally managed to advance the ball into the right rough. I think it was on my fourth swing, but it could have been later. I was just trying to escape the tee and get out of range.

The amazing thing is that experiences like that never dampened my enthusiasm for the game. If I’d done something like that in the course of any other activity, I’d never want to get anywhere near it again. But I’m still playing golf.

Go figure.

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Golf, Statistics, and The Meaning of Life

Posted on November 5, 2011 by Charles Prokop

I once had a statistics professor who would begin his explanation of something by saying “Imagine an n-dimensional space.” I knew things were hopeless when he said that. I couldn’t imagine imagining an n-dimenional space, much less do it.

Matrix representation of a linear map f from a...

Makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? Image via Wikipedia. In the public domain.

However, I can’t be too critical of the guy. It was in his class that I finally figured out what was really going on in statistics. His class was my sixth college level statistics course, and I’d made my way through the others with memorization, monkey-see monkey-do, and hard work. I got a clue about what was going on in my previous statistics class, but everything suddenly fit together one day in his class. The clouds parted and I thought “Why couldn’t somebody have shown me that before?”

Unfortunately, it was an accident. No one could have shown me the secret. The prof was explaining something else, I was daydreaming as I stared at the blackboard, and something he drew and said randomly fit with my daydream. Voila! It all made sense.

 

That experience in statistics gives me some hope in golf. I know that one day I’ll be hitting a ball with no idea what I’m doing, not even thinking about what I need to work on in my game. But something will click, I’ll feel what’s been wrong and is now right, and if I can hang on to the feeling, then: Voila! It’ll all make sense.

It’s happened before. It’ll happen again. I just have to stop trying to imagine that n-dimensional space. That drives me crazy.

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A Hole Too Far

Posted on November 2, 2011 by Charles Prokop

My round on Halloween was my last round for a while. I’ve been playing a lot for seven years or so, usually playing more than once a week. Miraculously, I haven’t been injured or sick for more than a few days and the weather has only kept me off the course a full week once that I can remember. I’ve played a few rounds in some nasty wind and cold, but I’ve played.

I’ve been playing relatively poorly for the last few months, and I realized I’m burned out. This is a new experience for me. I’ve been tired of doing a lot of things, but never playing golf. But when I realized that I needed to take a break, I immediately felt better.

Playing poorly helped, of course. I probably would have trouble stopping if I was seeing my handicap go down. But it’s going the other way. I reviewed my records and saw that I had kept my handicap in single digits for the last 18 months, and for all but 5 months of the last three years. That’s great for me. (In fact, anyone who had played with me in my previous incarnations wouldn’t believe it.) However, I expect my November index will be real close to 10. It was 6.6 at the start of September. Taking a break was a frequently mentioned cure for slumps in Jimmy Roberts’ book, so I’ll put that to the test.

The weather will also help a little. October is a great month for golf here, although my play didn’t show it. But cold fronts start coming through and it gets windier in November, and conditions are more unpredictable. There’ll be a lot of days where I’ll think “It’d be great out on the course,” but there’ll be some where I’ll think “I’m glad I’m not out there today.”

I’ve got plans for what I’ll do with my golf time. I’m looking forward to doing them, and I’m sure part of my burn out was the pull of those other activities. I’m going to keep up the blog, keep watching golf, keep wondering how to get better. I’m just not going to pick up a club.

But I’ll miss the guys. I had fun even when I was playing poorly, and my break won’t be too long because I’ll want to jerk them around and be razzed in return. I’m sure I’ll stop by the course before or after the regular games and hang out a bit. When I feel like I’ll just die if I don’t get out there and hit a few balls, I’ll do it. Who knows, I may get that irresistible urge two weeks from now.

And if I don’t play any better than I’m playing now, I’ll have an excuse. That’s a deal, don’t you think?

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A Round With Willie

Posted on October 29, 2011 by Charles Prokop

After years of on and off effort and frustration, I finally got my early ’80’s vintage turntable working again. It had developed a nasty buzzing sound and the cartridge mounting mechanism was broken. A repair shop got rid of the buzz with a few new solder joints, but no parts could be found for the cartridge mount. After a long and unsuccessful search for a new turntable at reasonable cost and near the same quality as my old one, I gave up and improvised a new cartridge mount. Twist ties can do marvelous things.

I could now explore my old vinyl LP collection again, and I stumbled on Willie Nelson’s Stardust and Red Headed Stranger albums. This led me to remembering Willie’s love for golf, and I recalled a rumor that he became devoted to the game while living not very far from here, at Lost Valley Golf Club near Bandera, Texas. So I checked out the rumor, and it appears to be true.

Lost Valley has been on and off the market while I’ve lived here, but it’s stayed open through it all. A developer almost bought the course with plans to improve it and put in home sites, but arranging for utilities for the home sites was apparently too expensive. Golf at Lost Valley is close to my idea of the game those ancient Scottish shepherds played on the links. It’s a wide open playing field with the improvements essential for hitting the ball toward and into the hole. If you fall in love with golf here, you’ve fallen in love with the game itself, not its trappings.

View across the third green and several fairways toward the lodge buildings

I wonder how many of us first came to love golf on a course like Lost Valley. Most of the courses I played as a teenager were cut from the natural setting with minimal earth moving and landscape artistry. Bunkers were relatively rare, and deep bunkers with towering lips were unheard of. If the course was in a forested area, it was narrow and tree-lined. If there was abundant water in the area, you had water hazards. The grasses in the fairway were often the natural grasses of the area, with bermuda brought in for around the greens and the tees. The geography and vegetation wasn’t imported. Somebody might have planted an ornamental tree at the edge of the fairway to mark 150 yards from the green, but that was it for yardage help.

I’ve been checking out the courses I played years ago, looking at the web, maps, and gazetteers. Some courses have disappeared, covered up by shopping malls or housing developments. Others have remodeled and upgraded, sometimes with new and fancier names. But I’ve found one where I can recognize the hole map on the website, although they’ve added nine holes to the original nine. The pictures look familiar, the conditions look a bit improved but still pretty natural, and the prices look like they’ve resisted the urge to get too uppity. I could get there in three or four hours.

I think I’ll try to make it back to my own Lost Valley sometime soon. I just hope I don’t hit it into the trees on the right side of number one fairway. That was my typical opening drive way back when, and I bet the trees are even bigger now.

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There’s Rocks In Them There Hills

Posted on October 25, 2011 by Charles Prokop

The recent AT&T Championship (Champions Tour) was won convincingly by a reinvigorated, relatively pain-free Freddie Couples on a brand spanking new golf course – the Canyons Course at the J.W. Marriott resort in San Antonio. It’s the same complex that contains the TPC course where this year’s Valero Texas Open was played, the one where Kevin Na made his 16.

The course got good reviews from the players, and a (totally unbiased, I’m sure) Fred Couples rated it a 10. The only quibble he had was that there were some rocks in the rough. Hale Irwin also commented on the rocks, saying that he heard a lot of clubs hitting rocks, and that would continue until the rocks were picked up as the course matures.

I hate to disappointment Couples and Irwin, but expecting the rocks at that course to disappear is like expecting the sand to go away in the rough at Dubai. The course is built on the Balcones Escarpment, the bluffs that mark the southern edge of the Texas Hill Country. The hill country is hilly because it’s hard to wear rocks down to flat ground.

As I’ve mentioned before, I live along the same escarpment, although in a much lower rent district. If you want to dig a hole around here without power equipment, a shovel isn’t your best tool. A digging bar is much better. For those unfamiliar with this diabolical contraption, a digging bar is five foot length of iron with a point on the end. You jam it into the ground, wiggle it vigorously, and loosen the rocks. Scratch out what you’ve loosened and do it again, and again, and again. It’s easier to plant shrubs in raised beds rather than digging a hole. If you put in a swimming pool, you are likely to have to blast in order to dig the hole.

Most of the courses I play have rocks in the rough and my clubs show it. If you don’t like rocks, you need to stay out of the rough. In fact, that’s what Colby Callaway, the AT&T tournament director said in response to Couples and Irwin. The rough will get thicker as the grass matures and the current drought ends, but the the rocks will always be there.

I’ll be glad to loan out my old rock club to anyone who wants it for next year’s tournament. I’ll also gladly conduct a clinic on picking balls off of solid rock with minimal damage to golfer or clubs. I only require a small cut of any winnings directly or indirectly attributable thereto.

I may be contacted via this website. Private lessons are available for a nominal fee.

(Comments of Couples, Irwin, and Callaway from “The Golf Course Was A 10”, article in San Antonio Express-News, October 19, 2011.)

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