A Golf Ethics Puzzle

Posted on March 19, 2012 by Charles Prokop

One of my golf buddies presented this ethical dilemma while we were sitting around after one of our rounds. If anyone has any idea of how to best handle the problem, I’d appreciate your input.

You are playing in the club championship finals. After a titanic struggle you and your opponent reach the 18th tee all square. You have the honors and hit a modest drive of 250 yards down the center, leaving a simple 6 iron to the pin. Your opponent slices his drive deep into the woods on the right.

The two of you anxiously go into the woods. Of course, you want to be sure no funny business occurs, but mostly you are being the perfect golfing gentleman you are known to be. You help your opponent look for his ball, and just before the allotted 5 minutes run out your opponent tells you to go on and hit your second shot while he looks for the little time remaining. He agrees to concede if he cannot find the ball.

You hit your 6 iron nicely onto the green, about 10 feet from the pin. As your ball comes to rest you hear a shout of “I found it!” from deep in the trees. Next you hear the unmistakable sound of a perfectly hit iron and a ball sails out of the trees onto the green, landing six inches from the hole.

Here’s the dilemma we are all struggling with:

Do you pull the cheating S.O.B.’s ball out of your pocket and confront him with it or do you keep your mouth shut?

Posted in humor | Tagged | 2 Comments

Rolling Down The Fairway

Posted on March 14, 2012 by Charles Prokop

Bill Russell was the guest on Feherty a few nights ago and was discussing his golf game. Russell said he used to carry a 6 or 7 handicap but was around a 10 now, and he was having more fun as a 10. He said he quit enjoying the game as much when he was a better player, apparently because he was so concerned about how well he was playing that he lost the fun of just playing.

That got me to comparing the quality of my game to the fun I have. As I’ve said before, my game went dramatically downhill last fall and I went from a 6 to 7 index to an 11. For a long time, my play resembled the left front tire of my truck that you see in the image to the left. At my worst, I had about as much fun hitting the ball as I did trying to keep my truck on the road when that tire blew. I finished each round feeling frustrated and exhausted, wondering what had gone wrong. Every part of my game blew up. In contrast to Bill Russell, I was having a lot less fun as a 10 or 11 than I did as a 6 or 7.

On the other hand, when I was playing poorly I was still having the same amount of fun with my golf buddies as when I was playing well. The jokes and byplay were about the same, although my deterioration added a new option to the array of available insults. (You can’t have a thin skin and play with my group.) I continued to look forward to playing and had a good time (mostly). But I was often simultaneously cursing and laughing.

My game is getting back together after a major rebuilding process and I’m having more fun playing golf again. I was always having fun out on the course with the guys, but I wasn’t having much fun playing golf. When I’m playing well, I have two kinds of fun. When I’m not playing well, golf is the thing I do while I have another kind of fun.

Of course, I never was a world champion at anything like Bill Russell. Maybe the better Russell got, the more he felt that need for championship level play, and he certainly knew he was never going to win a major. I’m not afflicted with memories of greatness.

I just want to keep it on the road with no major explosions.

Posted in reflections on golf | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

A Lesson With Professor Obvious

Posted on March 8, 2012 by Charles Prokop

A few months ago I posted some data about correlations between my golf scores, total putts, and greens in regulation (GIR). I found that my score was highly correlated with my putting, less (but still significantly) with my GIR, and my GIR and putting weren’t correlated.

I didn’t have any information on my fairways hit at the time, so I started tracking those and have updated the correlations. What I found was that fairways hit, GIR, and putting were all correlated with my scores, and that the difference between the three was relatively small. Putting still was the best predictor overall, but not by much. In fact, for the last 3 months fairways hit was the best predictor.

I think this is largely because of the time of year and the way my game has been suffering. When I was playing well (handicap index between 6 and 7), putting was king. I was putting well, the greens were running well during the spring and summer, and the world was a happy place. This winter the greens have been slick and hard, I’ve been playing poorly overall (handicap index between 10 and 11, going down now to 9), and I’ve had more blow-up holes that boost my score. (And yes, I use equitable stroke control figures.) I’ve become well acquainted with double bogey when he formerly was a casual acquaintance.

One lesson I’ve drawn from this is when you’re playing poorly overall, it doesn’t much matter what part of the game you work on. Getting better anywhere will help. It’s hard to recover from out of bounds drives and shanked irons, no matter how well you putt. As Jerry Reed famously said, “When you’re hot, you’re hot. When you’re not, you’re not.” But when you are keeping it between the fences and hitting most of your irons OK, the short game is king.

Just out of curiosity, I developed a hybrid index of my quality of play by totaling GIR and fairways hit and subtracting that from total putts. The lower this number is, the better I’m playing. Maybe driving and irons play is saving bad putting, maybe it’s the other way around, maybe everything is roughly equal, but the lower this index is, the better I’m striking and holing the ball. In fact, this index correlated with my total score better than any single factor, with a Pearson r of .78.

“Yes, you on the back row. You have a question?”

“Professor Obvious, are you saying that the better you play, the lower you score?”

“Um, I think you may be oversimplifying things there, you know it’s a very complex game and the equations are, um… . Let me get back to you on that. Tomorrow, I’ll show you my new invention. I call it the wheel.”

“Is that all, Professor?”

“Yes, smart guy. Class is bloody well dismissed.”

(Photo of yours truly by Loretta Prokop)

Posted in daily golf issues, humor | Tagged , | 4 Comments

Sunshine Golf

Posted on March 5, 2012 by Charles Prokop

The Sunshine Boy has passed away. He died several hours after suffering a heart attack on a Florida golf course, so he spent his last hours doing something he loved.

Sunshine was a regular member of our golf group when he was in town. He moved unpredictably between Texas and Florida, dodging hurricanes in Florida and cold (to him) Texas winters. If it was below 60 degrees in the mornings here, he was on his way to Florida.

He’d been having some health problems and was slowing down, but he always played golf.  His drives and his steps got shorter, but his pace of play never slowed and he never slowed his group down. He could get out of his cart, hit the ball, and be going down the fairway again before you’d selected your club for your own shot. He’d hit it short but straight, keep doing that until he hit the green, and then putt well. Try playing a round with your 150 yard club, a wedge, and a putter and see how you do. That’s Sunshine golf.

I’ll remember him most for his attitude. Despite his health problems, he never complained. He might mutter about the medical system and trying to get information out of a doctor, but the only way he mentioned his health was in a joke. He never asked for sympathy, but appreciated help if it was offered casually.

There’s a par 3 at our course that requires a carry over a pond. Sunshine got to where he rarely carried the water, but he didn’t think it was fair to move up to where he could carry it. So he’d bang away and get wet nearly every time. Once his ball seemed to bounce off the water and onto the green, leading to a running joke about needing to let his trained turtles know when he was back in town so they’d get under his ball when it hit the water. I’ll always think of him on that tee.

The Sunshine Boy's turtle training stadium.

But our entire group will remember him for “Busted,” “Not really.” When Sunshine hit one of his short drives, one of our group (I think it was Gallon, a.k.a. Four Quarts, the first time) was likely to say “Busted!” as we watched his ball sail out about 150 yards. Sunshine would casually bend down to get his tee and say “Not really.” That’s become a regular part of our banter, and can be very effective if delivered at the right time.

If you’re looking for a way to handle aging, illness, and golf, you need look no farther than the Sunshine Boy. He’ll be missed.

Posted in golfing memoir | Tagged | Leave a comment

Dr. Seuss On Putting

Posted on March 2, 2012 by Charles Prokop

Would you like to belly putt?

Would you like to belly putt?
Hold that stick against your gut?
Swing it here and swing it there?
Make that ball go anywhere?

Or would you like the sweeper best?
Lock that stick against your chest.
Let it swing, just go tick-tock.
You can putt just like a clock.

Is anchored putting here to stay?
What do you say, USGA?
Can we use these special clubs?
No more yips? No more flubs?

Keegan Bradley, Adam Scott,
Billy Haas, you made them hot.
It’s been there for oh so long,
But did you win and make it wrong?

It was once just for old farts,
Those whose games had come apart.
But now young guns use anchors too,
Can we blame it all on you?

I still swing my putter free,
It’s like my other clubs, you see.
But should I care how others hit?
Should I throw a hissy fit?

I’ve tried them all, I still can’t putt.
Guess I’ve got a ticklish gut.
So I’ll keep doing what I do.
And other folks? It’s up to you.

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss, and please accept my deepest apologies.

Posted in humor | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Demon Possession On the Mayan Riviera

Posted on February 27, 2012 by Charles Prokop

Apparently it’s not just us amateur golfers who have trouble with demon possession. In my Whac-A-Mole Golf post last week I mentioned those times when I know something is stupid but I just go ahead and do it anyway. The only explanation I’ve come up with is demon possession.

English: Robert Allenby teeing off at the 2004...

Robert Allenby. Image via Wikipedia

At the Mayakoba Golf Classic Robert Allenby was attacked by the same demons that haunt me. As a lot of you surely know, Allenby had a two stroke lead standing on the tee of the 72nd hole, blocked his drive to the right into the trees, and made double bogey to drop into a tie with John Huh. Allenby then went on to lose an eight hole playoff.

Allenby gave an interview while he was standing around waiting for the final group to finish so the playoff could begin. Imagine how hard that must have been. You’re feeling like crap after doubling the hole and then you’re answering questions about how you screwed up while you’re waiting to go back out to that same tee and try not to screw up again. I don’t know that I could have done that. (Allenby then went over and signed memorabilia for the fans. He should get some kind of award from the PGA for that.)

Allenby was remarkably forthcoming during his interview. What struck me was he said he knew he should hit 3 wood off that tee. He’d had trouble with driver in that type of situation before, knew 3 wood was the right club, but he still went ahead and hit driver. It sounded like demon possession to me, pure and simple.

I suppose I should be comforted to know that even a pro as experienced as Allenby suffers from the same decision making problems that I do. On the other hand, it’s also depressing to realize how hopeless overcoming those demons can be.

Onward through the fog, I guess. At least I only lose a few bucks when the demons get ahold of me.

Posted in daily golf issues | Tagged | Leave a comment

One Hole At A Time

Posted on February 24, 2012 by Charles Prokop

I was watching the WGC Accenture Match Play Championship this week and started thinking about the maladaptive way I approach “each hole is a new tournament” type play. I’m always fighting having too much interest in my total score.

I play regularly in a skins game, which is like match play in the sense that it doesn’t matter how bad your score may be on a single hole. If it’s not the winner, it doesn’t matter. But I’m always fighting aiming at the middle of the green rather than the pin, trying to minimize the risk of a bogey when I should be trying to maximize the chance of a birdie.

I’m a die-it-in-the-hole style putter by nature and I three putt more often after running one long than after leaving one short, but a routine two putt isn’t helpful in skins or in many match play situations. If I don’t get it to the hole, it doesn’t matter.

I have the same conflict when my group is playing a game like wolf at the same time we’re playing in a larger stroke play event. My partner in wolf has nailed down the tie with a par, so I need to be sure I get that birdie putt to the hole. But if it runs very far past, I’ll have a tough comeback putt for my par. My par is unimportant in the wolf game, but it matters in the overall stroke play event. What to do, what to do.

I love the fun of skins, wolf, and similar match play style games. I also love seeing my total score and handicap stay down where I like them. I suppose the obvious answer to the problem is getting good enough that I can be more aggressive with my putts and approach shots without so much risk to my total score.

Nothing to it, right? Do better.

Posted in daily golf issues | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Whac-A-Mole Golf

Posted on February 19, 2012 by Charles Prokop

Sometimes I wonder if I need Whac-A-Mole lessons or an exorcist.

My golf game is an unending sequence of one problem popping up after another. I hit a few drives to the right, realize I’m not finishing my swing, and “Whack”, I correct that. Then I start missing putts because I’m peeking, so “Whack!”, I close my eyes on a few putts and start rolling them in again. Then I blade a few irons, notice I’m overswinging, and “Whack!”, I quit jumping at the ball and hit them flush again. A problem rears its head and I whack it, only to have another jump up and thumb it’s nose at me. Shank, “Whack”, Blade, “Whack”, Fat, “Whack”, Slice, “Whack”, 19th hole, “Whew!”

But even on those rare days when I’ve conquered the mole, I can become demon possessed at any moment. I’m standing on the tee of a par 3, holding a 6 iron. I notice the wind is stronger than I’d figured. The hole is uphill, too. I watch all my playing partners come up short. I know I need my 5 iron. “I’ll just hit my 6 harder,” I say to myself, so I go ahead and overswing, with predictably bad results. I know this is stupid, I’ve done it too many times to count and it’s never worked, but I do it again and again and again. The only reasonable explanation is demon possession.

I hit a nice drive into the fairway of dogleg par 5, but there’s an overhanging branch that keeps me from hitting the shot I’d like. The smart shot is to punch a long iron down the fairway and get on in 3 with a short iron. I couldn’t reach the green even with a great 3 wood and no overhanging branch. What do I do? I pull out my driver and try to nail a low bullet as far as I can. I never practice this shot, I know it’s crazy, I’m telling myself this the whole time I’m doing it, but I go ahead and dribble the driver up behind a tree. Then I try a low, cutting, punched mid-iron (in my dreams). You know, it’s one of those things that starts out low, misses the tree trunk by a few inches, rises after it gets past the canopy, cuts, flies over the bunker guarding the green, and comes to rest nestling against the pin. We’ve all got that shot in our bag, don’t we? After ricocheting that thing off the tree I hack and bang down the fairway and save double bogey with a ten footer. Demon possession. Can’t be anything else.

If I could just whack the moles a little sooner and get Max Von Sydow as a golf partner, I might stand a chance. On the other hand, trying to exorcise Linda Blair killed Von Sydow.   Maybe I’ll just keep hitting trees.

Posted in humor | Tagged | 3 Comments

Do Gators Prefer Balata Or Urethane?

Posted on February 16, 2012 by Charles Prokop

The European Tour is playing the Avantha Masters in New Delhi this week. I always enjoy a quick look at overseas golf tournaments because I’m interested in the appearance of the courses and their surroundings. The courses themselves often look very similar to those we see everywhere, but when the camera pulls back for a long shot the view is often entertaining.

I particularly like the views in the Middle East. There’s something in the juxtaposition of the desert, a green golf course, and an isolated cluster of skyscrapers rising above it all that I find pleasingly weird. I saw a tournament last year, in either Thailand or Malaysia, where the architecture of the surrounding buildings was particularly striking, full of minarets and pagodas.

Just passing over, headed for parts north.

Sandhill Cranes. Image via Wikipedia

The wildlife wandering on the margins of some of the South African courses is also intriguing. The closest I’ve ever come to anything like that is the alligators in Florida. When I lived there I became accustomed to keeping an eye on the ponds, making sure the gators were minding their own business. Sandhill Cranes are also on some of the courses, and I’ve had a few disconcerting experiences of walking up to a tee box to be greeted by a very tame crane as tall I am.

The New Delhi event is remarkable not so much for the sights, but for the sounds. I was watching wearing headphones so as not to awaken my wife (she’s a night owl and I’m an early bird) and that may have made the sounds more noticeable, but the air was full of constant jungle noises. It was like playing golf in one of those old Tarzan movies I used to watch on weekend TV. The vegetation was very thick and close to the fairway in many places, and apparently it’s full of many beasties and things that go “screech.”

I don’t know what I was hearing, but in the unlikely event that I ever play in New Delhi and hit it in the woods, I’m not going in after it.

Posted in reflections on golf | Tagged | 2 Comments

The Five Cent Golf Lesson

Posted on February 13, 2012 by Charles Prokop

Watching Peter Kostis analyze amateur swings at the AT&T National Pro-Am always reminds of Lucy’s psychiatry booth in Peanuts. I visualize Kostis sitting behind the 17th tee, offering 5 cent analysis and therapy.

This year Kostis had a co-therapist, with Nick Faldo jumping in and adding his suggestions. It reminded of bad group therapy sessions I’ve seen, with two therapists pitching in and flooding a patient with more information than can be absorbed. It may all be true, but it’s unlikely to help very much.

On the other hand, watching the videos of the amateurs’ swings is therapeutic for me. It may not be helpful to see that just about everyone fights coming over the top and that I don’t have as much trouble with footwork as a lot of folks do, but it does somehow make me feel better. It’s the “I may have problems, but look at that guy,” effect. (And he gets to play Pebble Beach!? Is that fair? I ask you!!)

One of psychologist Albert Ellis’s favorite observations was that people are “nauseatingly similar.” Ellis was the developer of Rational Emotive Psychotherapy, a no-nonsense approach to therapy that essentially says that irrational beliefs are what make us miserable. It isn’t what happens, it’s what you tell yourself about what is happening, and a lot of what you tell yourself is irrational. When people would come in wearing their problems like a badge of honor, thinking that no one has ever suffered quite like they have, Ellis would puncture that balloon by telling them that people are “nauseatingly similar.”

I don’t know if Albert Ellis was a golfer, but it’s a great demonstration of how similar people are. Not only are all those amateur swings fighting similar problems, but Charlie Wi can four putt, just like me.

But there’s no way I’ll ever shoot 64 to win at Pebble. Even if I could afford the greens fees and paid Kostis a nickel for analysis of every shot and asked Faldo for a second opinion. It ain’t gonna happen. People aren’t quite that “nauseatingly similar.”

I wonder how tired Kostis gets of saying “Konica Minolta Biz Hub Swing Vision Camera?” He must hear that in his dreams.

Posted in humor, reflections on golf | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment